沙漠教父

Benedicta Ward trans. The Desert Fathers: Sayings of the Early Christian Monks (London: Penguin Books, 2003)

舊友讀書甚多,推薦我看這本,說是入門版,我花了一段時間才讀畢,有點讀禪宗公案的味道。

Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline was translated into Chinese in the early 1980s and began a whirlwind. People suddenly became interested in other spiritual traditions. I read the Life of Antony by Athanasius and one or two books of Nouwen at that time. But to be honest, I forgot them all.

Though the stories are grouped under topics, it is difficult to summarize systematic thoughts or practices on a specific topic. It seems to me that monks had their different ways of doing things. So, here are my random thoughts:

1. Their whole life seemed to be fighting against their sin.
2. They were very frank about their sins, from jealousy to fornication. Humility was the highest virtue.
3. They seemed forgiving and understanding. Repentant monks were readily accepted.
4. The cell was their centre of living as a hermit.
5. They lived on the minimum, and some acts seemed to go to extremes (clothing, shelter, food)
6. Flexible towards others but harsh on oneself.
6. Their community life seemed negligent.
7. Mentor-discipleship was the way to teach.

Highlighted sentences
“Keep your tongue and your belly under control.” (1.2)

“If anyone speaks to you on a controversial matter, do not argue with him. If he speaks well, say, “Yes.” If he speaks ill, say, “I don’t know anything about that.” Don’t argue with what he has said, and then your mind will be at peace.” (1.23)

“If a man sits in silence and hears the voice of a bird, he does not have quiet in his heart.” (2.5)

“Go and sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.” (2.9)

“(Do not live in a crowd) because of the turbulence, he does not see his sins: but when he has been quiet, above all in solitude, then he recognizes his own faults.”(2.16)

“A brother asked Sisois, ‘What am I to do ? When I go to church, love for the brothers often makes me stay to the meal afterwards.’ Sisois said to him, ‘That is burdensome.'” (3.37)

“We ate their meal out of love for them, but when we are on our own let us keep our fast.” (3.40)

“The monk who cannot control his tongue when he is angry, will not control his passions at other times.”(3.49)

“I’ve been a monk for seventy years, and I’ve not been able to get a single day’s peace.” (7.5)

“…’I find that I am at peace, with no war between flesh and spirit.’ The hermit said to him, ‘Go and ask the Lord to stir up a new war in you. Fighting is good for the soul.'”(7.8)

“The character of the genuine monk only appears when he is tempted.” (7.13)

“An open treasury is quickly spent; any virtue will be lost if it is published abroad and is known about everywhere.” (8.19)

“If we always go to excess, the brothers quickly become exhausted. It is sometimes best not to be rigid.” (10.2)

“If the body is prosperous, the soul grows lean; if the body is lean, the soul grows prosperous.” (10.17)

” Evagrius said, ‘A wandering mind is strengthened by reading, and prayer. Passion is dampened down by hunger and work and solitude. Anger is repressed by psalmody and long-suffering and mercy. But all these should be at the proper times and in due measure. If they are used at the wrong times and to excess, they are useful for a short time. But what is only useful for a short time, is harmful in the long run.'” (10.20)

“But the great hermits have tested all these things, and they found that it is good to eat something every day, but on some days a little less. They have shown us that this is the king’s highway, for it is easy and light.” (10.44)

“‘Just as you can’t stop air coming into your lungs, so you can’t stop thoughts coming into your mind. Your part is to resist them.”(10.54)

A brother questioned Poemen and said, ‘How should a monk live in his cell?’ He said, ‘To stay in the cell is this: externally, to work with the hands, eat once a day, keep silence and meditate and, internally, to make progress by remembering your sins wherever you may be, and keeping the hours of prayer, and keeping a watch on the secret thoughts of the heart. If it is time to stop working with the hands, begin to pray and finish your work later in tranquillity. The aim of all this is to be with those who are good and to avoid the company of the wicked.'(10.64)

“Our body is the armour, our soul is the warrior. Take care of both, and you will be ready for whatever comes.”(10.75)

“If ever you oversleep in the morning, get up when you wake, shut the door and the windows, and say your psalms. For it is written, “The day is thine and the night is thine” (Ps. 74:16). God is glorified whatever time it is.”(10.101)

“One hermit visited another hermit and said during their conversation, ‘I’m dead to the world.’ The other said, ‘Don’t be so confident until you have actually died. You may say about yourself that you are dead, but Satan is not dead.'”(11.38)

“Some brothers asked Macarius, ‘How should we pray?’ He said, ‘There is no need to talk much in prayer. Reach out your hands often, and say, “Lord have mercy on me, as you will and as you know.” But if conflict troubles you, say, “Lord, help me.” He knows what is best for us, and has mercy.”(12.10).

“Antony was confused as he meditated upon the depths of God’s judgements, and he asked God, ‘Lord, how is it that some die young and others grow old and sick? Why are there some poor and some rich? Why are there those who are bad and rich and oppress the good poor?’ He heard a voice saying to him, ‘Antony, worry about yourself; these other matters are up to God, and it will not do you any good to know them.'”(15.1)

“Mathois said, ‘The nearer a man comes to God, the more he sees himself to be a sinner. Isaiah the prophet saw the Lord and knew himself to be wretched and unclean (Is. 6:5).'”(15.28)

“A hermit said, ‘I would learn rather than teach.’ He also said, ‘Do not teach too early, or you will have less understanding during the rest of your life.'”(15.81)

“A hermit was asked how it was that some people said they had seen angels. He answered, ‘Blessed is he who always sees his own sins.'”(15.87)

科普替文

Coptic 是埃及文字,上承古埃及文,下啟…,沒有啟了,因為後來被阿拉伯文取代了,現在只用於宗教禮儀。

Coptic 用希臘字母表音,所以懂希臘字母的話,多認識六七個字母就可以看懂;因受到基督教的影響,所以 Coptic 有很多來自希臘文的 loan word。Coptic 有幾種方言,與古基督教文獻最相關的是 Sahidic 方言。

讀 Coptic,主要出路是研究埃及地區的基督教文獻,那裡是古代隱士的發源地,是後世修道院的濫觴,說不定學懂的話就可以去沙漠修道,了斷凡塵。

Coptic 主禱文

Ϧⲉⲛ ⲫ̀ⲣⲁⲛ ⲙ̀ⲫ̀ⲓⲱⲧ
ⲛⲉⲙ ⲡ̀ϣⲏⲣⲓ
ⲛⲉⲙ Ⲡⲓⲡⲛⲉⲩⲙⲁ ⲉⲑⲟⲩⲁⲃ
ⲟⲩⲛⲟⲩϯ ⲛ̀ⲟⲩⲱⲧ Ⲁⲙⲏⲛ.

Ϫⲉ ⲡⲉⲛⲓⲱⲧ ⲉⲧϧⲉⲛ ⲛⲓⲫⲏⲟⲩⲓ: ⲙⲁⲣⲉϥⲧⲟⲩⲃⲟ ⲛ̀ϫⲉ ⲡⲉⲕⲣⲁⲛ: ⲙⲁⲣⲉⲥⲓ ⲛ̀ϫⲉ ⲧⲉⲕⲙⲉⲧⲟⲩⲣⲟ: ⲡⲉⲧⲉϩⲛⲁⲕ ⲙⲁⲣⲉϥϣⲱⲡⲓ
Ⲙ̀ⲫⲣⲏϯ ϧⲉⲛ ⲧ̀ⲫⲉ ⲛⲉⲙ ϩⲓϫⲉⲛ ⲡⲓⲕⲁϩⲓ: ⲡⲉⲛⲱⲓⲕ ⲛ̀ⲧⲉ ⲣⲁⲥϯ ⲙⲏⲓϥ ⲛⲁⲛ ⲙ̀ⲫⲟⲟⲩ:
Ⲟⲩⲟϩ ⲭⲁ ⲛⲏⲉⲧⲉⲣⲟⲛ ⲛⲁⲛ ⲉ̀ⲃⲟⲗ: ⲙ̀ⲫ̀ⲣⲏϯ ϩⲱⲛ ⲛ̀ⲧⲉⲛⲭⲱ ⲉ̀ⲃⲟⲗ ⲛ̀ⲛⲏⲉⲧⲉ ⲟⲩⲟⲛ ⲛ̀ⲧⲁⲛ ⲉⲣⲱⲟⲩ:
Ⲟⲩⲟϩ ⲙ̀ⲡⲉⲣⲉⲛⲧⲉⲛ ⲉϧⲟⲩⲛ ⲉ̀ⲡⲓⲣⲁⲥⲙⲟⲥ: ⲁⲗⲗⲁ ⲛⲁϩⲙⲉⲛ ⲉⲃⲟⲗϩⲁ ⲡⲓⲡⲉⲧϩⲱⲟⲩ:
Ϧⲉⲛ Ⲡⲭ̅ⲥ̅ Ⲓⲏ̅ⲥ̅ Ⲡⲉⲛⲟ̅ⲥ̅.
Ϫⲉ ⲑⲱⲕ ⲧⲉ ϯⲙⲉⲧⲟⲩⲣⲟ ⲛⲉⲙ ϯϫⲟⲙ
ⲛⲉⲙ ⲡⲓⲱⲟⲩ ϣⲁ ⲉⲛⲉϩ. Ⲁⲙⲏ

信仰之旅

研究室裡有一本書的打印本,是林語堂的《從異教徒到基督徒》,大概是之前研究林語堂的研究生留下來的。我見這打印本是單面印的,有百多頁,背面仍是雪白無瑕,可供書寫,所以沒有棄掉。前幾天,偶然翻閱,於是就幾口氣看完了。

我好像讀過這書,是台灣版的,叫《信仰之旅》,可能是四十年前讀過的,但沒有追查是否同一書了,反正內容早已忘記了99.9%。林語堂出身基督教家庭,入讀上海聖約翰大學,英文比中文好,後來到哈佛,最後在德國來比錫取得博士。林語堂曾有意做牧師,好像還讀過一點神學,但後來出教,成為異教徒,在儒釋道之間遊走,最後又返回基督教。

不過應該沒有人會找林語堂去佈道會講見證的了,因為他最後皈依的,似是耶穌的教訓多過教會的道理,最末一章,仍然對教會、教義、神學等大加批判。

最後林語堂回歸基督教,並非被基督教的可信折服、或末日預言等懾服,而是被有愛心的教士降服。

看完了,可以用背面來做草稿紙了。

又:林語堂這書引了不少古書,我用現代的安全觀點看,發現孔孟妄議國政,老莊躺平不作為軟對抗,墨子尋釁滋事,諸子應一律下架,只保留法家著作,以法為教,以吏為師,配合由治及興的主旋律。

又又: 今天參加了個埃及文 Coptic 的網上班,僅八堂,以讀 Gospel of Thomas 為目標,且看有沒有得著。

日薄西山

2025.07.05 中國香港人民廣播電台云:
「律政司司長林定國表示,要培養下一代法治價值觀,最適合由從事青年事務人士及未來的教師著手,教育局或其他機構在提供有關國家憲法、基本法及國安法相關知識方面,已提供了很多書面教材及資料,但教師要警惕不要太依賴教材,變成「人肉錄音機」。

林定國出席法治教育領袖培訓計劃第三階段課程開課致辭時說,教授法治價值觀時,要有信念和信心,真誠相信這是好事,亦要有足夠信心,放膽去說,不會因怕說錯而少說一點,甚至依書直說。」

首先,我是過氣教師,不是他高度表揚的「未來的教師」。第二,他奉勸教師「要警惕不要太依賴(教育局及其他機構提供的)教材,變成「人肉錄音機」。」

假如我是「未來的教師」,我一定會做「人肉錄音機」,「甚至依書直說」。

教得正確,還是教得好,即使愚笨如我也一定會作出安全的選擇。

冬天已至,5點已日落,只會愈來愈黑暗…

「日薄西山,氣息奄奄,人命危淺,朝不慮夕。」(李密 陳情表)

中國香港

最近回程時,又出現可以網上 check-in 但要到機場櫃位才能領取登機證的情況。這情況屢次出現,但又不是次次如是。

到了機鐵中國香港站的行李託運處,空無一人,我本來想自助,但被系統拒絕,走到櫃位,地勤小姐說我買機票時護照國籍只能填中國,不能填中國香港特別行政區,於是人手替我改動,才能給登機證。

我是根正苗紅的中國香港人,而系統實在有中國香港以及中國兩個選項,我如果選中國,入境不能用ETA,要簽證;選中國香港,才可以申請ETA;可是登機,又要填中國,怪哉!

剛才聽新聞,澳洲有中國香港學生因為被指護照國籍與報名資料不符,被拒考試。

我想,這也是悲哀。中國香港,中國;英國括號海外,英國,九七前出生的中國香港人的一種護照以及一張廢紙,都不是純種。

所以,現實的做法是,學習伊索寓言裡的蝙蝠,正如你我他都知道中國香港的大學學生國際化包辦全球四甲的原因,公然搞…, 但說不得。

懇請特區政府幫幫忙,中國香港護照入境紐西蘭時不能走自助通道,要排長龍到人手櫃位,但中國護照卻可以。請說好中國香港故事,讓中國香港人做超級聯繫人。

又及,中國香港教育局局長解釋中國香港學生創意思維低於全球平均時說,新加坡重視PISA,中國香港則平常心云云。其實,大家心知肚明,不敢,就是創意不足的主因,而不敢的原因,就不敢說了。

前路茫茫

同學今早問我畢業後有何計劃。

大哉問!

首先,能否畢業始終是個問號;其次,即使真能順利畢業,也會是兩年之後的事。

雖然暫時體力尚可,但年紀是客觀限制,可做的事不多。如果沒有年紀、經濟、健康、居留條件等限制,當然最想再留學。

但考慮到實際情況,首先,一定要做點事,最好是有時間表的,以免迷失方向;其次,是找點工作,幫補生活費;第三,做義工(不是朝陽..),貢獻社會。或者重操故業補習,或者教自己學過的外語,或者整理論文自資出版。想想吧,反正註定只有鐵達尼號可以上,登高望遠,與汝同針,好好享受末日的餘暉吧。

早前回中國香港,在水塘見的都是老人,或者這是我的出路;上午遊山,下午找點事情幹,最好有點收入,晚上閉門讀禁書,日復一日,直到…

繼續前進

大概用了三四天,把論文其中一章再次修訂,主要是補充一些尺牘的資料,減省一些外國人學中文的材料,整體方向沒有改變,字數也減不了多少。

今天起就修訂另一章,這一章是重中之重,寫作方式也可以千差萬別,希望導師不會要我大改。我主要是寫教會與官方的交往,有哪些問題,教會遇到問題的解決方法,以及方法是否有效。我的切入角度應該有點新意,主要是材料不同,所以先會寫寫我的方法為何可行,有何好處。至於具體教案,多數寫法都是據教務教案檔、方志等材料敘述成案,我的寫法會更草根,應該或者可能有所不同。我其實有很多時間修改,但這章計劃十一月才呈交,屆時,論文主要的部分都已呈上;明年二月再呈引言結論,五月全文最後一檢,十月呈交。美好大計是這樣。

近日天氣不穩,幾乎天天下雨;昨天今天早上陽光普照,午後又轉陰沉,人也變得沮喪。

輾轉反側

重返紐西蘭,氣溫比中國香港低二十度,除了天天下雨外,感覺其實還是不錯的。

在機上沒法睡眠,所以第一天回來,急急到超市買點糧油後就低頭大睡,以為睡醒可以適應時差(只是四小時),但昨天正常活動後,居然輾轉難眠,總計可能只睡了兩三個鐘,每小時醒一次,苦不堪言。我估還要多幾個cycle才能回復正常作息。

大學剛考完試,term break兩星期,校園空空蕩蕩,清清靜靜。一天之中說不了一句話,最宜修行。

計劃: 七月完成修訂關於書信體裁一章,涉及清代與外國的文書規矩、教士的中文水平、清末外國人學習漢語寫作的材料、尺牘源流、黃伯祿一書的取材與特色、黃伯祿一書如何切合教士需要等等。初稿已有2.1萬字,連註釋共2.7萬字,清末外國人學習漢語寫作的材料一部分覺得寫得太多;而黃伯祿一書是主菜,似宜稍加擴充;公牘傳統前人未有言及,但放在哪裡仍在盤算中。

閃回報告

這次閃回中國香港,實不得已,問題暫告解決,順便添置物品。中國香港是中國大都會,沒有消費稅,感覺良好。

最大筆開支是買了個蘋果MacBook Air,我現用的是5年前買的,以應付Zoom教學需要,用Intel處理器,僅256G儲存量,每次更新都要先卸載軟件才夠空間,而且愈來愈慢,遂以此為借口買個新的,並促進中國香港經濟。新機是M4處理器,1T儲存量,連接 GoogleDrive 及 OneDrive,選擇下載常用檔案到本機,速度可以。買了個 Parallel Desktop 的 app,可以在 MacbookAir 上運行 Windows 11,有幾個天天用的軟件是 Windows 的,一機兩用,頗覺方便。Parallel Desktop 年費近600,可惜有兩個virtual printer用不了,但現在很少要打印東西,暫時影響不大。有了新機,我取消了 Azure 的虛擬 windows 機,每月節省中國港幣約90元,可以買一打雞蛋。另外,因為背靠祖國,有強大後盾,淘了些文具衣服電子產品之類,比在南極購買也可以省回一筆。家用的台式電腦很慢,於是淘了兩條8G RAM,記憶體倍增,果然減少等候時間。這些舊東西,早已淘汰,存貨便宜,只用了一百幾十就能提高效率,頗覺滿意。

學習方面交了白卷,大概知道有用的書都看了,未看的是不知道有用、知道但找不到等等等。這次撈到一篇用尺牘研究清末商人借貸的文章,對尺牘是虛構這一特點只是輕輕帶過,我會引用他的鴻文說明即使虛構仍可反映現實這一重點以壯聲勢。另外周一良的書儀源流考,開篇即表明書儀的性質,也談到書儀後來演化為民開日用文書、書信比例不高的特點,以及清末出現供新官及幕友使用的參考書。周一良的文章雖然不長,但要點可以全數引用借鑒,其中論及尺牘可反映社會現象一點,也可以助我一臂之力。另外,也讀了一篇博士論文,是研究尺牘的,但她以私人書信及普及教育為重點,與我不同。

今早到書店看書,隨手翻看了一本,才知道一位中國港大同學不幸在幾年前逝世。我跟他不太熟,但偶有交談,印象中最後一次見他也是在書店,不過也是幾十年前了。他在中國港大取得博士,後來在中大辦了個國學中心之類的機構,頗有成就。訪舊半為鬼,愈來愈真實了。

明天飛回南極了,生活重回刻板規律,遠離塵俗,希望一切順順利利。

書滿之患

今午再訪中國港大圖書館,可惜又是失望而回。

想找一篇周一良在1990年歷史研究發表的文章,但期刊已打進冷宮,要申請索閱;網上可以看,但我已被摒為外人,沒有權限看了,得個桔。或者要託關係,找在讀的學生幫幫忙。(最終還是靠公益網站找到。這篇文章雖不是直接有關,但周一良夠權威,引用一下以壯聲勢。)

跟其他大學一樣,圖書館已有書滿之患,所以不少書籍期刊都變成電子書庫。可是一旦變成電子書庫,則即使親身到館也因為是外人而未能閱覽。我以前是中國港大的朋友圈,但其實沒有特權,很多電子書庫只限在校師生使用。我現在只是付圖書館年費的畢業生,權限更少。

所以,或者不必再回中國港大圖書館了。除了有強勁冷氣(四樓新翼最凍, 五樓尚可但只有幾個座位且在廁所門外, 六樓甚弱) 及免費wifi之外,也沒有甚麼特別。當然,中國港大的藏書仍然比南極豐富得多,但校內校外,待遇有天淵之別。